Question:

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. In that time, I would say we have had sex five times, if that. I asked him why this is, we thought it might be lack of testosterone, he got tested and in regards to testosterone he's fine. He had body confidence issues, and he goes the gym now and has lost weight and is feeling better than he was about himself, but still no sex! He said he has been like this even before we were in a relationship. What could it be?

Response:
It sounds like your boyfriend may have a normal low sex drive. It has been assumed for years that men should always be up for it. New research has identified that as there are women with low sex drive, there are also men.

Sydney sex therapist and researcher Elaine George is doing research on Australian men with low sex drive. This research is in its early days and will benefit clinical care. Sometimes it may be that the man has a different starting point than his partner; he needs to be willing to become sexual before arousal happens. In this situation the man is less likely to initiate sex, this could lead to his partner feeling that he doesn't find her attractive or there is something wrong with her.

If your boyfriend finds sex is enjoyable then he could look at what are his and your turn-ons and focus on these. This may be enough to get things started. Biofeedback is a very important part of being sexual. This is where if we have a good sexual experience and if this is soon followed by another good sexual experience our mind starts to develop strong positive thoughts and responses to thoughts of being sexual.

However, sexual desire is complex and your boyfriend may benefit from seeing a sex therapist that could assess reasons why your boyfriend has a low sexual desire and suggest ways you can improve your sex lives.

For more information please visit the Impotence Australia website.