Question:

My 23-year-old daughter is a beautiful vibrant person but I fear she is also suffering depression. Her best friends have moved to Melbourne and so apart from work she has no friends and no interests in Adelaide. There is another girl who is a friend of the Melbourne girls and I think she feels threatened by my daughter's friendship with the girls, so she is continually putting her down. My daughter has organised a short trip to Melbourne for a concert and to spend time with her friends. The other girl was aware of the trip but was unable to afford/or was not interested in going. She has now changed her mind and is going to Melbourne at the same time. My daughter is devastated as this means she will be pushed into the background and made to feel like she should not be there. I don't know how to help her. Any suggestions as to how she can overcome her insecurities. I tell her that it is the other girl that is insecure and that is why she acts like she does because she needs to be the centre of everything. My daughter's response is if I think the other girl is the one with the problem than why is it that my daughter is the one that feels so bad...

Answer:

It's a very natural, normal reaction to miss friends when they move away. It's something that happens to most of us at some time, and learning to adjust to these changes in life is a normal part of growing up. However if your daughter has started to feels persistently down about her friends moving to Melbourne, and to worry excessively about how other people might behave towards her, then there may be cause for concern.

If these feelings persist for weeks or months and are having an effect on her daily life and pleasure in everyday activities, then it is definitely worth her discussing this with a GP, psychologist or other appropriately-qualified health professional. We often 'dry up' or become shy when discussing feelings, so it's a good idea to make some notes beforehand about how long she has been feeling this way and the impact on her life — for example, any effects on sleeping patterns, appetite, work, or enjoyment of things she usually likes doing.

If you would like to discuss this further, contact the SANE Helpline on Freecall 1800 18 SANE (7263) or online via www.sane.org.