Question:

I have been on anti-depressants for around two years. I was on Effexor for a year before moving on to Cymbatyl. My daughter and son were killed in a car accident in January 2008 after I had been married for just eight weeks.

As you can imagine, a complete change of my soul has taken place. I continue to walk a fine line between life and wanting to be with them. My mind is a roller-coaster to say the least. I am seeking some advice on a medication that may assist because neither of these drugs has helped me much.

I do have suicidal thoughts but have no real intention to take my own life. However, when I am unwell and not able to make sense of the whys I feel like I don't want to live. Can you help me?

Answer:

I'm sorry to hear of your loss, and — as you know better than anyone — there is no easy way to deal with the "complete change in your soul" as you describe it so well. You also write that nearly three years after the car accident you still experience depression and have suicidal thoughts sometimes, and that you are prescribed an antidepressant medication.

The passage of time does not necessarily make a difference to feelings of grief, of course, and perhaps we never really "get over" loved ones dying, nor would want to. What we can do eventually, though, is learn to manage the feelings, and so lessen the pain, and in time be able to live our own lives more fully in the present.

While antidepressant medications are helping you up to a point for now, it is important for you to discuss how you feel with a grief counsellor or psychologist experienced in this area. It is this help that is more likely to make a long-term difference to how you feel.

It is also essential that you tell your doctor, or another person who can help you, about any thoughts of harming yourself or taking your own life. Your doctor should be able to refer you to a professional grief counsellor or suitable psychologist too.

If not, or you would like more information, advice or referral, call the SANE helpline from anywhere in Australia on free call 1800 18 SANE (7263) or visit www.sane.org.